Dark Lord Sauron: Almighty Ruler or a Big Doofus?
by VertigoMesmerizer
Summary: CHAPTER 2 revised! sorry messed up on Chap. 1 but fixed it! I have decided to make it like a crossover and ideas from
1. Almighty ruler or a Big Doofus?

Lord of the Rings Parodies proudly presents:  
  
DARK LORD SAURON- ALMIGHTY RULER OR A BIG DOOFUS?  
  
Author notes: Hello hello! I'm back with another parody of LOTR this time though to see if Sauron is really the cruelest of cruel and tormenter of all! Or just a doofus that doesn't know what he is doing? This is actually from a spoof from the comedy movie by Mel Brooks "SpaceBalls" god I love that movie! Now on with the show!  
  
*Not my characters or the movie  
  
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A darken barren waste crosses through the land of unspeakable evil, toxic fumes soar in the nothingness above and hideous creatures walk across the burning ashes on the ground. Everything that is your worst nightmare would come alive as you step into this land and shatter your spirit through all eternity.  
  
**************  
  
A tall gothic sized castle is seen on the lifeless ground and is the home of the orcs and new breed of the orcs and home of the one ruler of Mordor. Creator of the one ring, just by the sound of his name brings undesirable chills down all the races down their spine.  
  
Through the great halls of the castle, everything was hazardous to touch and at the very end of the hall is a great huge black door with spikes and huge handle knobs to open. On the other side of the black doors, there are voices that speak of the dark language.  
  
***************  
  
Inside the closed black doors, a table is seen in the dark with little light. The room was so huge full of gothic structure and everything just distort features made everything like a weird dream, upon the desk with the candle flickering a dark and reform figure was none other than the ruler himself.  
  
He had his black helmet to cover up his true face to the world and his gauntlet hands were holding of some importance and muttering of some things that didn't seem normal as usual. Some the orcs would think he is planning on how to take over Middle-Earth to make the plan perfect with no flaws! But most of them knew that was not the whole story, I mean he is planning but in his own "way",  
  
"Mwahahahah! I am the ruler of Mordor with the one ring bow before me mortals and weaklings!"  
  
His voice changed suddenly to a more human man voice,  
  
"No never! We will never obey you onward men and elves!"  
  
"Hahahha! Don't you see that you are all too weak!"  
  
Little action figures were laid about on his desk of men and elves and himself were "fighting" each other, "Bam! Blam! Kazam! Bzz buzz bzz! Kaciao! Take that stupid humans and elves!" Sauron was making funny gestures and sound effects of his battle sequence, then made sympathetic or pity voices,  
  
"Oh no! Please don't hurt us almighty Sauron! Please forgive us!"  
  
"Mwhahah! Never!" Then he knocked the humans and elves action figures off his desk and laughed like a complete ditz loudly through the great halls of the castle.  
  
Now he grabs other figures like hobbits (Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin) humans (Aragorn, Gandalf, and Boromir) a dwarf (Gimil) and two elves (Legolas and Arwen),  
  
"Mwahah! I shall have you now my pretty Arwen!"  
  
His voiced changed into a feminine voice,  
  
"Ah no! Help me someone!"  
  
He grabbed the Aragorn action figure to stand in front of the Arwen figure acting tough,  
  
"Hey leave my girlfriend alone! Hi honey!"  
  
"Oh yea? Well take that stupid Isildur sons!"  
  
Now his two action figures were in a battle but his figure "stabbed" him and the Aragorn figure lied their "dead",  
  
"Now you are mine Arwen! Together we can rule Middle-Earth together! I love you so!"  
  
He then grabbed the Legolas action figure; "Hey what did you do to my friend!"  
  
"The same thing I'm going to do to you Blondie!" Sauron took his figure and pushed it down. Then he had the hobbits, dwarf, and two humans left, so he just rammed his Sauron figure and fighting them off with his plastic mace. The fellowship laid there and Arwen was still standing as he made them entwined together,  
  
"Now my precious Arwen we will be together for good!"  
  
"No no you can't make me! But somehow.....Your big muscular body mesmerized me and that helmet....so big...but I can't!  
  
"But you know you want to, give in to my muscular body"  
  
"Oh this is too much.....Kiss me you big helmet man!" Arwens plastic face and his were on each other smooching and he was doing kissing sounds, just then an orc officer slammed the door open, "Lord Sauron!"  
  
"WHAT!" he quickly grabbed his action figures to cover them up,  
  
"Knock before you enter you moron! What is it?!" still in a surprised voice and jumpy.  
  
"Sorry lord but we need a discussion of the war!"  
  
"Alright alright!......did you see anything?"  
  
"No Lord I didn't see you playing with your action figures again!"  
  
"Good!"  
  
The orc officer closed the door and Sauron quickly put his action figures away except for the Arwen one and put that in his pocket then walked outside his room.  
  
*************  
  
Sauron walked the halls and into another rooms where some of the orcs and new breeds Uruk-hai were qualified and actually smart to plan the war,  
  
"My lord we came up with a strategy that can be sure to take over Middle- earth! Now if you see here if we make in about 100 miles from here to here then....blah blah blah...blah blah...."  
  
As the orc officer was talking, Sauron was in his own little world not listening a word and thinking of the monotonous questions that have been asked every time he thinks to himself,  
  
"I wonder if this helmet is too big for my head?.....Hmm naw or what about my gauntlet hands? Gee I think I need a trim and oh my god! That orc is so damn ugly jeez! Looks like he caught in a fight with a hot poker or something! HAHAHAH.....Hey wait a minute!...... does this suit make my ass big? I think I should cut down on those little treats......."  
  
"My lord what do you think?"  
  
Sauron looked dazed but then snapped back into reality, "Huh? Oh oh yea yea great plan....genius you know?....its wonderful....I'm with ya the whole way....yea"  
  
"Thank you my lord I won't disappoint you"  
  
He flicked a few things of himself and looking at his gauntlet hands, "Yea yea I know you won't....I'll just get back to my quarters and you know do some.....work....yea"  
  
Sauron then dashed away out of the room, while the orc officer looked at the rest of the orcs and Uruk-hai then sighed, "He didn't listen did he?" The nodded their heads in dismay.  
  
He threw his hands up in the air and walked out of the room in anger, "WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME TO PUT UP WITH MONOTONOUS LIFE OF A DOOFUS!!!!" He stormed through the great halls until he vanished; well he isn't the only one that is suffering that's for sure!  
  
*So what did you all think? I might make another chapter of this....you think I should? Give me an opinion or review on if I should continue or leave it be and if you liked the story of course! Hope to hear from you guys soon! Bai bai!! =^_^= 


	2. Sauron in Space

DARK LORD SAURON: ALMIGHT RULER OR A BIG DOOFUS?  
  
Chapter 2: Sauron in space!  
  
Authors note: Hello viewers! I have made another chapter to the Dark Lord Sauron! As I said before most of these will be from the slapstick comedy "Spaceballs" since it has some significance! Unfortunately do to my sickness I might have to make this chapter short but the next one will be longer when I get better so please stay with me! Thank you so much and enjoy!  
  
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Into the galactic stars, a peaceful planet called Middle-earth is in no threat what's so ever, nothing could ever disrupt their peace. Until a space ship suddenly comes towards the planet in the shape of lord Sauron with a mace in his metal hand.  
  
Inside the ship we see now the Lord Sauron is standing from the rail and his orcs and Urukai-hai maintaining the controls,  
  
"Um...How did we get up here? And this black void? What is this? Everything is so confusing!  
  
"Lord its called space and it was your idea that we built this "spaceship" cause your doll told you to!  
  
"It also told me to burn things! Hahahah! Burn Burn Burn!!"  
  
Sauron is dancing around with his Sauruman action figure burning anything that is moving. Until his orc officer came to calm him down,  
  
"We must stay focused on our plan Lord"  
  
"Yes yes of course.....What was the plan again?"  
  
"Sigh......we are going to attack the planet from up here so they couldn't stop us!"  
  
"OH! Oh yea of course....but um um um we can't! They got a forcefield around the planet and our lasers can't penetrate it......yea"  
  
"Not if we contact the wisest man on Middle-earth to tell us the code so we can enter inside!"  
  
"Ah! I see now mwahahaha! I'm such a genius!"  
  
"Yes...yes you are"  
  
"Hahahaha! Come one everybody laugh with me! Hahahah!"  
  
Soon the whole ship of orcs and Urukai-hai were laughing like idiots, as they have no clue of what they are laughing at. A lone orc at the controls soon stopped his laughing and called through the intercom,  
  
"Sir!"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"There is something wrong with the radar"  
  
They walked to the controls where the orc was having problems,  
  
"What's the problem?"  
  
"Sir I believe our radar has been jammed!"  
  
Just after he said that, jam started to ooze out of the monitor and Sauron wiped it off to taste it, "Mmmmm Raspberry! Got any toast?"  
  
"Lord there is no time for that! We might have been under attack!"  
  
"Sigh....fine fine but it's obvious who did it!"  
  
"You know who?"  
  
"Of course I'm not an idiot or doofus!"  
  
All of the orcs turned around or looking at the other direction trying not to be suspicious,  
  
"Ahem...of course...you're not....my lord ehehe...so then who did it?"  
  
"Only one person who would stand in my way of my one true love and conquering the world....LoneStrider!"  
  
"But how did he get all the way up here? And your one true love?"  
  
"Errr.....How they hell should I know? I'm not writing this silly story and my one true love....I do not dare speaks its name"  
  
"Is it Princess Arwen?"  
  
"Argh! How did you know!"  
  
"You are holding her action figure in your hands and playing with it"  
  
Sauron was to busy playing with his action figure till he heard something bleeping,  
  
"What is that noise?"  
  
"Ah that would be our Mr.Radar sir"  
  
They walked to the machine with a visible window showing gizmos,  
  
"Hey what's wrong with this radar? What's all that turning and grinding? You call that a radar screen?"  
  
"No lord we call this is our Mr. Coffee"  
  
"......Ahem...of course it is....I always have my coffee don't I officer orcie!"  
  
"Yes you do lord"  
  
"So where is the radar?"  
  
"Right next to it lord"  
  
The machine Mr. Radar was bleeping to a nearby ship,  
  
"Hmm ah! There is LoneStrider now...and there seems to be another target on the radar...."  
  
"Switch it to tele-view"  
  
As the orc officer turned it to a visual screen they see another ship that was small and white, upon closer view they could see who was inside,  
  
"Its Princess Arwen my lord!"  
  
"Oh my god are you serious? I can't believe it! My sexually dream is coming true...err..Eheh You didn't hear that did you officer orcie!"  
  
"No lord I didn't hear you say you had a sexually dream is coming true"  
  
"Good! Now get the tractor beam ready and suck her in!"  
  
"Yes lord!"  
  
*****************  
  
In a white cruiser ship that was up on the radar was Princess Arwen and the next to her was her trusted robot friend Eowyn. As the music was on, Princess Arwen and Eowyn were silent till Eowyn spoke up first,  
  
"Can we talk? Ok we all know Prince Gondorien was a pill but you could have marry him for your fathersake then have a headache for the next 27 years!"  
  
".............."  
  
"Will you turn that thing off!"  
  
Princess Arwen looked back with a confused look to her robot friend, "What?"  
  
She took off what look to be her hair rounded together like a bun but was instead a headset,  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I was saying do you realize what you have just done?"  
  
"Yes! And I'm glad glad glad glad glad!  
  
She put her headset back on to listen to her music,  
  
"I wonder if she is glad?"  
  
*******************  
  
As a few moments went by, the large ship behind her ship was Dark Lord Sauron ready to capture her,  
  
"Lord we have reached her within our range"  
  
"Good, fire a warning shot across her ship!"  
  
The orc shooter started firing but not across but at it and made the Princess shocked,  
  
"Hey what's going on!"  
  
"Either it's just my imagination or someone is trying to kill us!"  
  
"Hey.. I don't have to put up with this! I'm rich!" she soon grabbed her phone  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm calling my father....lets see 1-800-Middle-earth"  
  
*****************  
  
The gunner orc was obviously not shooting over but at it and made Sauron angry,  
  
"Careful you idiot! I said over not at it!"  
  
The gunner orc turned around with his eyes crossed,  
  
"Sorry lord just trying my best"  
  
"Who made that man a gunner?"  
  
"I did sir! He is my brother!" A taller orc spoke up and he was crossed eyed too,  
  
"Who is that?"  
  
"He is an asshole lord"  
  
"I knew that! But what's his name?"  
  
"That is his name Major Harry Asshole"  
  
"And his brother?"  
  
"He is an asshole too, gunner first class Wedge Asshole"  
  
"God I'm like surrounded by superiority around here! No wonder they are all assholes! Keep firing assholes!  
  
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*And wouldn't ya know it I stop here......because I ran out of some ideas! If any one got them let me know or just tell me what you think so far! ta ta for now! More parody to come! 


End file.
